Photos and text by Ellin Beltz (unless otherwise noted)
This year, 2007 my kinetic race started in January as always, but almost all the tasks were different from last year when I raced as a co-pilot on the magnificent Henry Ford goes Surfing with Kinetic Dad, Elliot Naess, and in years past contributing to the administration of the race as a volunteer. This year's kinetic race began on a whirlwind two-day trip; driving Shaye Harty to and from California's state capital, Sacramento, to file articles of incorporation for the newly formed non-profit, Kinetic Universe, Inc..
Gotta love cellphones, huh?
Carl Harlow fixing "The Foo."
While we were driving we received a call asking if we'd like to buy a troika of old kinetic machines. I jumped out in front of one of the oldest kinetic rigs on the road, built in 1983 as Industrial Revolution by a class at HSU, it's run nearly every year since. But now it was a wreck. Sixteen flat tires, four broken chains and derailleurs and an owner with a lot more to do than worry about it. To the rescue, Carl Harlow, former NASCAR driver and mechanic-extraordinare, who with NO instructions whatsoever got The Foo ready to roll by race day!
Then it was up to my expert decorators, a friend from U.K., the East Coast Grand Champion pilot from Baltimore, my pit crew and a group of young people who live in Sunny Brae and who volunteered on the spot to help. They ended up doing a lot more than helping, when I turned around from a particularly complicated phone call - the forlorn Foo had transformed to "Isle of the Lost Boys"!
Two of these last minute Lost Boys, Dani and her energetic toddler Ethan, joined us for the entire weekend and along with Hunter who started as a peon and finished as a pit crew, and Magdalena's son who was so good I never heard his name enough to memorize it, all appeared the very next day - in costume - bearing flags, at Arcata Plaza ready for the three hours of hurry up, wait, hurry up, wait some more and then WE'RE OFF!
And Bless His Heart!
Glorious Founder, Hobart Brown showed up to the race a mere 8 days after suffering a heart attack which had left him speechless and unable to move. Here he is with Queen Emma the Emchantress, 2007 and part of Queen Harmony, 2006.
Right here is the place to say a huge "Thank you!" to all the volunteers who made this race happen this year; to those who'd been out many times before including the Goddess Jen-O in her 17th race, Rampmeister, Spiderman, the HAM Radio Operators, Lord James - Royal Cartographer, Kinetic Royalty. This year particularly great thanks are due to a legion of virgin volunteers including Site Leaders Laura and Pauli, with great help from Alex and many, many others - at least half of whom had never even been at a Kinetic Race in their lives - all of whom made the kinetic experience happen as it always does; with millions of smiles over three days and 41 miles!
Photo by Creami Cannolli
Photos by Ken Mierzwa
Photo by Shuttermania
Then my favorite part, the long ride to Manila, by Jackson Ranch Road, on Samoa Boulevard to a pleasant surprise. My pit crew, 13 youngsters under the age of 13, could ride safely all the way to Peninsula Drive because the sculptures had the right of way in the outbound lane! This year Caltrans required one-way controlled traffic in the opposite lane which was absolutely superb, especially for teams with hordes of kids - like us. The thrill of riding past all the folks cheering and barbequing and partying, and seeing the looks in the kids' eyes is indescribable. If you can't build, come out next year with a bike, ride along and feel the glory!
Photo by Devora Kaufman
Amy Berkowitz of KHUM took the original of this photo from the back of June's Flower!
But before we can get on the sand, The Foo must be repaired.
TWICE but not so soon that we received the highly coveted Golden Dinosaur Award, created by the well-known economist and author, Dr. Lawrence Peter, who wrote The Peter Principle about the same time as the first race happened.
The Tofu has run a lot. Anyone who has ever pedaled her, in any incarnation, from The Arcata Police Department (APD) to
Barbequed Tofu (2006)knows The Foo is a chain-breaking, derailleur busting 350-plus-pound extravaganza of strong American steel.
Harmony grins like the Foxy Biloxi she is; this rig ACEd!
It's a Long Walk to Dead Man's Drop. This is the fourth time I've done it, but the first chasing my own machine!
Carl had found the reason that three drive stations kept breaking; we found the other one in application and fixed it as soon as we could! Here Jeremy changes the first of what would be four chains - on one drive station, in one day. After day one we realigned some crucial parts and stopped breaking chains altogether - the first time that ever happened on this Craft!
After closing the time portal at 3:13 p.m. at Manila and taking some pictures of some smashed rare plants and the ATV tire tracks which had smashed them, I hiked quickly down the strand trying to catch my machine. And that's when I realized The Foo wasn't as slow as everyone said she was. Truly she was a fast critter on flat, damp sand. I passed June's Flower and Her Majesty Foxy Biloxi's Cadillac. I passed the Injured Kween of Kontroversy's Krown Jewel being towed by Kinetic Knights Kevin, Marcy and Trevor through the sand. And the, going up the first of the baby dunes, "Stop! Wait For Me!" I ran up the hill and blew my hamstring. "Well, at least I can sit down on The Foo," I thought, "And God Bless who ever put freewheels on the pedals!"
Being considered slow but steady, The Foo rarely collects prizes or honors of any kind, racing only for the glory in the grandest tradition of Kinetics. (That is Kinetinautese for "It's too wide, too high or too heavy to win anything." The Foo is definately TOO HEAVY.)
Weight and all, The Foo does however perform gloriously on the most exciting part of the race where it makes great use of its four-wheel-drive and powers down the dread sand hill known as "Dead Man's Drop," famed for Sikorsky-sized blood-thirsty mosquitos and man-eating trees.
The trees had already tasted blood today, having nearly eaten The Deliverance Truck and veteran pilot, Ken Beidelman, so we passed it by with barely a shudder, it was satiated.
We got lost on the trails getting out of DMD and then had to push The Foo over the "3 -itches" on Samoa Bridge, arriving at the clock way, way after the course closed - missing the circus performers who had strung a high wire over Gazebo Plaza, and taking the craft over to Go Fish, we collapsed happily and ordered Fish and Chips for the multitudes.
AND THAT was the END of DAY ONE! Like Hobart says, "If you aren't in shape when you start the race, you will be when you finish!"
Day Two was the Water Crossing of Humboldt Bay. Our craft didn't have any flotation and I hadn't had time to make any; so we'd told all the media - or rather Steve from Cambridge, U.K, my virgin backseat pilot and filmmaker - told KHUM that we were going to blow a giant bubble of air, and roll UNDER the water across Humboldt Bay.
In the weather we had on Sunday, if we could have, I think we would have. It was cold, windy, choppy and nasty and the racers who did the water deserve a lot of credit. I stood and counted racers past the F Street dock as part of the safety checklist, but nearly died laughing when a spectator asked me if "Isle of the Lost Boys" had gone by underwater yet!
It just goes to show you that some people will believe ANYTHING delivered in a plummy British accent!
Other notable things were front page coverage in the Eureka Times-Standard and the arrest of a streaker who was throwing signs in the bay! Quite a morning. The afternoon was warmer; and we were again graced by a visit from our Glorious Founder - this time in his customary white stretch limo at the top of Table Bluff, on the road to Loleta.
Dani and Ethan play in the sand at Crab Park. Oh to have his energy level and stamina again!
After a long day of water and pavement, followed by the intense, eight percent grade on Loleta Hill and the lonely five miles to Crab Park, racers are ready to tucker into barbeque and party hearty til dawn's early rays bring them to the crossing of the Mighty Eel River on Day 3.
As usual the race cleaned up the beach both before and after the party. It is one of our rules to leave an area cleaner than when we found it!
Day Three begins with sculptures crossing about a mile of the Eel River near the mouth, a crossing hampered by the annual growth of a sculpture-eating sandbar right in the middle!
Because Kinetic machines are so speedy on water and pavement, and the tide required a very early start, race administrators held us all up at the fairgrounds until after Ferndale's annual Memorial Day Parade and Ceremony were out of the way, then we all glory hogged like mad and crossed the finish line in a mad rush as you can see in the next video!
YouTube Video by Celtic Lass shows Isle of the Lost Boys, The Henry Ford, KangaRex and several others crossing the Ferndale Finish Line.
Queen Emma waits to award the Championship
KangaRex collects awards!
We came in Third to Last and Pit Crew Hunter won an award from Queen Emma for being most respectful to a reigning queen!
What do kinetic machines do on their year off? Many live under tarps or in garages, but The Foo has a much more exciting life. Since being purchased in March, it has been in the Grand Championship, was taken to San Francisco in a UHaul to run in the
Pride Parade on June 24 with a team including Rutabaga Queens Shaye (2005) and Emma the Emchantress (2007), Seer #13, the Glorious Dutchess Gina, Kinetic Knight Kevin, Kinetic Co-Pilot Sequoia, and outriders "stallions" Trevor and Marcie in front of 100,000 cheering people. It was decorated for the parade theme of Pride, not Predjudice.
With a quick reskinning, The Foo next appeared at
Ferndale's famous Fourth of July Parade decked out in a red-white-and-blue theme and giving honor to the Glorious Founder, Hobart Brown who was the Grand Marshall of the Parade.
The Foo stayed home for
the Corvallis Kinetic Sculpture Race, but Queen Emma and myself were privileged to co-pilot the Henry Ford along with Isle of the Lost Boys Captain and Mechaniachal Genius, Jeremy and Kinetic Dad Elliot Naess.
Next, The Foo decked out as Celestial Foo went to
the Burning Man Art Festival, as part of the official Theme Camp Kinetic Sculpture Racing Camp.
Kinetic Sculpture Racing Camp - Photo by Jay Bain
About 20 vehicles and their teams demonstrated Kinetic Sculpture Race machines and philosophy on the playa and in various parades and events in Black Rock City.
Additionally a display about Kinetic Sculpture Racing was be mounted in the base of the 2007 Green Man building to be seen by up to 40,000 people. The Eclipse Arson resulted in the Pavilion being closed, but it was almost better; as Kinetinauts fixed about 250 bicycles for Black Rock City residents and their incredible machines were ogled by many.
We know that some Burners geared up their human-powered art cars and took on the competition at the Ventura Kinetic Sculpture Race, Queen Emma went to Port Townsend and Elliot went to Prescott Valley, Arizona - although he hasn't yet sent any pictures or words - I'll add them when he does!
After that? A big blue tarp with treefrogs calling from the saggy bits. But The Foo will be back for sure in the 2008 - 40th Anniversary Kinetic Grand Championship!
Thank you for reading all the way down here... See you on race day!
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And Bless His Heart! 
Being considered slow but steady, The Foo rarely collects prizes or honors of any kind, racing only for the glory in the grandest tradition of Kinetics. (That is Kinetinautese for "It's too wide, too high or too heavy to win anything." The Foo is definately TOO HEAVY.)
