A well worn, sequined diary has been found at a rest stop outside of Garberville in an abandoned purple backpack with a hand stitched Kinetic Chicken on it. Other contents of the backpack include a copy of the Official Kinetic Grand Championship Rules, half a roll of purple Duct Tape, a few feathers, a tube of glitter, several hundred zip ties and some needle nose pliers. This is a page from that diary.
June 24, 2007:
Oh, San Francisco. What must you have thought of us? Every one of the 300,000 or so attendees of 2007's legendary San Francisco Pride Parade seems to have the exact same reaction to Kinetic Universe's appearance there. First incredulity, them amusement, then awe.
First they have to look at our wacky people-powered Royal Carriage tootling up Market Street with four pilots pedaling, and try to guess what this crazy gilded contraption is. They barely have time to digest it before they have to deal with the chariot being towed behind the Royal Carriage. Picture a 36 inch board balanced in true Kinetic fashion across two bicycles. Riding atop that tiny rig, hanging on for dear life, dancing to phat techno beats and blowing kisses to the crowd is of course moi, the Rutabaga Queen, in my Kinetic ball gown with the peacock tail that goes up and down.
Our "King" and Queen at Pride
I am sharing this tiny (did I mention it was tiny?) platform with our 2005 Queen Shaye, that dastardly Kween of Kontroversy. She's doing triple duty as a Rutabaga Queen, President of Kinetic Universe of course, and she's also Humboldt Pride's Drag King, sporting a red and black mohawk and leather rock star pants. Side by side we roll in our Royal Chariot, the Rutabaga Queen and the Drag King.
This is about all that any reasonable spectator can handle, even in San Francisco, even at Pride. Their squints of "what the heck is that" disintegrate into "I can't believe it" laughter, and then the laughter swells into mighty cheering for the sheer moxy of our homespun, people-powered Kinetic Contingent.
How Amazing that we got to experience being in Pride! Even sweeter when you know we almost didn't make it. Funding was minimal. Transportation plans failed. Vehicles broke down. People got sick. And yet in the end we did what we always do in Kinetics. We pulled it off!
The Pride Parade is the second largest parade in California, after the Rose Bowl Parade, but number one all they way in zaniness. We shared the limelight with politicians, towering drag queens, and a startling number of small, cute dogs that got more press than the rest of us put together!
Next stop: Ferndale's Fourth of July Parade. Rumor is that Our Glorious Founder Hobart Brown Himself will be Grand Marshall!
Rutabaga Queen Emma the Em-Chantress sometimes answers to the name Emma Breacain. She reigns over the Kinetic Kingdom from a surprisingly modest Palace in Eureka. The Queen's Diary appears in the Arcata Eye and is hereby reproduced with Her Royal Permission (and a wave of a wee gloved hand).
All photos this page by Ellin Beltz.
Thank you for reading all the way down here... Please return to Events to read more of Our Queen's Travels!
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